If you were part of the healthy living blog heyday of 2009, you are well acquainted with what I am about to present. I ate this breakfast–a combination of “banana soft serve” and “overnight oats” inspired by Angela Liddon’s vegan oat parfaits–every single day for probably a year. It was just absurd. I know banana soft serve was everywhere at the time, but I first saw it on Choosing Raw so I’m crediting Gena as the founder. I hadn’t had it in a very long time so I felt this morning a fitting time for a throwback…
I bought expensive makeup for the first time today. Send help. It went something like this: “Hi I need LOTS of help. I need makeup. All the makeup. I mean, I have some makeup but I think it’s probably not the right kind. It’s from CVS. I wear mascara and chapstick. I need, I guess, like real makeup. But I’m also a hot yoga teacher so I don’t really wear makeup and I when I do I just wash it off to teach but I’m almost 30 and I feel like I should not get carded at R-rated movies anymore, you know? But I don’t want to look like I have any makeup on at all. Do you have something like that? Cruelty-free, please.”
God bless the poor sales girl that got my sorry ass dropped in her lap this afternoon. Lots of samples, lots of questions and a hundred-and-frigging-twenty-dollars later, I left with what I’m told is enough makeup to make me look like I’m not wearing any makeup at all for a solid year. Ca-ching. Both my boyfriend and my roommate reacted with a: “Hey, your face looks good.” So let’s celebrate with stir fry on the cheap.
If you’re new here, I can explain…
If you’re here from Sweet Tater Blog, I have not forsaken you.
One time I was like, “Wouldn’t it be great if there was a sweet counterpart to the savory omelet?” I ruminated on it for
days minutes and then realized that’s pretty much what we here in the grand US of A call a pancake. Perhaps you’re curious about the singularity of the cake in question. Who eats just one pancake anyway? You will, sassypants. I suppose you could split the batter into two or three babycakes, but I prefer one fat monster roughly the size of a large dinner plate, slathered in peanut butter, downed with coffee. Tomato, tomahto… healthyass pancake.
I don’t know when or why or why I remember, but one time my mom said something to someone along the lines of: “With Katie, it’s what you see is what you get.” And she’s right. I can’t disguise my emotions (or lack thereof) to save my life (or a relationship). I don’t know (or care?) enough about makeup to convince you I look better than I do. I am at all times covered in cat hair and do not brush my own. It’s all laid out there, no surprises. These cookies, though? These peanut butter buttercream-stuffed cookie sandwiches are some deceitful little mothers… Vegan, gluten-free and–BY GOD–full of oats. (Yeah, I said “butter butter.”)
I’ve been up since 4 hustling like a boss so I went to extreme measures to consume coffee. You see, my French press cracked and was spewing precious caffeine all over the counter, apparently unaware that I had just filled it with my last remaining coffee grounds. (The nerve.) So in an act that was neither dangerous nor extreme (eyeroll), I wrapped my hands around the soon-to-shatter glass to retain the coffee and then quickly poured as much as I could into my mug. Naturally. I only took a few sips before realizing I might be drinking glass shards and that’s probably bad. So in one final desperate attempt to get a morning buzz, I strained the rest of the coffee through a paper towel into another mug. Totally normal. Have we earned a smoothie yet? Yes.