Well. It happened. I caught Ralph and Weaz running drugs out of our apartment. I knew it was only a matter of time.
I wasn’t looking for it. I was just going about my business putting away clothes when I found THIS in my sock drawer:
I’m a big fan of preparing a fat bowl of grains one day and eating it all week long. This is because I am a big opponent of doing dishes and if you make it all on one day you only have to wash that pot once. Laziness breeds ingenuity. That’s where the clap light came from. Also the Abtronic. “Don’t want to do crunches? Here! We will gently electrocute your abdominal muscles until they swell, thus giving the illusion of abs.”
Let’s just stick with saving meal prep time.
I’m not going to the movies with my boyfriend any more. Take me to see World War Z, shame on you. Take me to see Elysium… shame on you again AND I’m not coming with you next time AND you’ll have to smuggle your own candy in inside your pants, a skill we all know is best left to a professional who we all know is me.
At least we ate the best pizza I’ve ever had in Charlotte.
Food trucks might be lost on me. Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the allure of eating carefully crafted food served out of the side of a truck; there’s something unexpected and delightful about the whole street food experience. But the novelty quickly wears off under the soggy weight of Charlotte’s hundred-degree August heat. The best case scenario in this setting is to have multiple trucks churning out food so damn good, people are willing to sweat straight through their spandex waiting in line for it. This is Beast Feast 2013 and this is how I learned to appreciate food trucks no matter how miserable the wait may be.
Happy Shark Week Caturday. This time last year we were prepping for the best party of all time. This year, unfortunately, Weaz has no interest in celebrating sharks (as you can perhaps tell from her expression above). And also I don’t have cable or friends so…
Anyway, her aversion might have something to do with the great white I had swimming around the apartment last year:
If you were part of the healthy living blog heyday of 2009, you are well acquainted with what I am about to present. I ate this breakfast–a combination of “banana soft serve” and “overnight oats” inspired by Angela Liddon’s vegan oat parfaits–every single day for probably a year. It was just absurd. I know banana soft serve was everywhere at the time, but I first saw it on Choosing Raw so I’m crediting Gena as the founder. I hadn’t had it in a very long time so I felt this morning a fitting time for a throwback…
I bought expensive makeup for the first time today. Send help. It went something like this: “Hi I need LOTS of help. I need makeup. All the makeup. I mean, I have some makeup but I think it’s probably not the right kind. It’s from CVS. I wear mascara and chapstick. I need, I guess, like real makeup. But I’m also a hot yoga teacher so I don’t really wear makeup and I when I do I just wash it off to teach but I’m almost 30 and I feel like I should not get carded at R-rated movies anymore, you know? But I don’t want to look like I have any makeup on at all. Do you have something like that? Cruelty-free, please.”
God bless the poor sales girl that got my sorry ass dropped in her lap this afternoon. Lots of samples, lots of questions and a hundred-and-frigging-twenty-dollars later, I left with what I’m told is enough makeup to make me look like I’m not wearing any makeup at all for a solid year. Ca-ching. Both my boyfriend and my roommate reacted with a: “Hey, your face looks good.” So let’s celebrate with stir fry on the cheap.