Hello and Happy Caturday! I’m celebrating with a cat mug full of coffee. I got it in an office secret santa gift exchange six or seven years ago and it has survived as many moves.
HOLY CRAP HAPPY CATURDAY. We are still alive over here and Ralph and Weaz want to make the highly anticipated announcement of our Ultimate Plank Fitness giveaway winner.
Happy solemn Caturday. It makes me so sad to sit here at my desk in Tilly’s room (she really did have her own bedroom, that’s not a joke) without my little monster next to me. I think I underestimated what a force Tilly was in our lives until I got home and felt the hollow emptiness without her here. She was so vocal and so communicative and so responsive to my voice and I talked to her all the time. She always knew where we were and wanted to be there with all of us. She would shuffle from one room to the next to get in on the action or at least watch from the doorway and I keep finding myself listening for that swish swish swish scooting across the floor. For a two-legged cat, Tilly was on the move a lot.
It’s funny that I moved from a studio to a two-bedroom apartment to accommodate my growing cat family (crazy town, I know) only to find that we were all still always in one room together. They just all liked to be wherever Nick and I were and some of my favorite pictures are of all three of them together flipping furry middle fingers at my attempt to give them each their own space.
I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like a made the right decision, like I did right by Tilly and made the choices that would make her better. From where I am now, buried under the weight of grief I have truly never known, it’s mostly doubt and regret and it just really hurts. At the same time, I suppose if I had elected not to go forward with her surgery and she died, I would feel the same way, like I didn’t exhaust every last option to help her. The choices I was presented, I felt, were not choices at all, each one appearing to lead to the same heart-wrenching outcome.