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Easy Vegan Pumpkin Pie Dip

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I like to play this game where I see how many things I can accomplish in the time it takes my coffee to brew. For me with a French press this includes about 5 minutes to boil water and 5 minutes to steep. This neurotic little game is usually of greater importance on the weekdays when I’m in a rush to get to work but also don’t want my house to be in shambles (or all my little chores to be waiting for me) when I get home at night. But since I’ve been waking up at 6a on the weekends too (oh, the humanity), I’ve been playing along anyway.

Usually these 10 minutes of coffee-making are filled with: wiping down all the counters and/or dusting, scooping litter boxes, filling cat food and water, emptying the dishwasher and packing up a meal for the day. Today I did those things (minus food packing) plus create an elaborate holiday party plot line wherein my apartment was actually settled and furnished the way I want it and all my friends came over for a grownup and stylish cocktail party that looks and feels like a Target commercial.

The problem with this, of course, is that no one is better at blinding us from reality with advertising than Target. Am I the only one that walks through that store with that hideous bulbous red cart like, “Yeah man, these cheap mass produced dresses will look just like the photoshopped ones in the ad and completely revitalize my wardrobe and definitely last more than just one wash. And YES, this $80 gold birdcage is just what I need to make my home look whimsical yet refined and will not be in my Goodwill pile next month. And… Wait. Isn’t this kind of just an expensive Walmart? DAMNIT, they got me again!”

Shopping Target is basically a Matrix-like experience wherein you down the red pill,  enter an alternate reality where you will die if you don’t purchase everything you touch, black out, and wake up in a $300 pile of red and white plastic bags and absolutely nothing you actually needed.

Target: confusing expectation with reality since 1902.

Target decor expectation:


Target decor reality: actual pile of things I bought two weeks ago that are still just sitting there decorating absolutely nothing.



So that is my current plight.

Anyway, if I can get my act together and decorate this apartment I might just throw a party and make this pumpkin dip.

Vegan Pumpkin Dip

  • 1 can pumpkin puree
  • 1 cup full-fat coconut cream
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
  • 1/4 teaspoon cloves
  • 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 6-8 dates, soaked for at least an hour

Combine all ingredients in a blender or food processor and process until smooth.

I’m probably going to go to Target today. [HAIR FLIP.]


  1. Joanna Joanna

    I’ve never in my life read a more accurate description of the Target experience. Nailed it.

    • Katie Katie

      Haha, it’s just so true.

  2. colleen colleen

    Made this last night! So good, but even better after its been chilled in the fridge for a while!

    • Katie Katie

      Yes! I’m due for a restock on this one. So good.

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