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Say It Loud: On Wanting What You Want

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Today I walked into an apartment and before even making it into the bedroom, spun around to the leasing agent and said, “This is it. I’ll do whatever it takes to get it. I’m done.” (Floor to ceiling windows have this effect on me.)

He was, I think, as shocked as I was since decisiveness has never been my nature, an Uptown high-rise was never on my radar, and apartments aren’t usually leased on a whim. But I’ve looked at a lot of places this week and after seeing a whole lot of wrong it’s easy to quickly see what’s right. It’s not that this place is perfect necessarily, but it’s what I want and what counts is that I know that.

There’s a waiting list just to get into this particular building so “whatever it takes” could prove to be more than I’ve bargained for, but my simple answer to any potential road blocks that may arise is, “I’ll figure it out. I can wait.”

And that, I’ve decided, is how I’m navigating life on this the eve of my last year in my 20s–with a clear vision of what I want, the scrappiness to get it, and the patience to wait for it when the timing just isn’t right.

The thing that’s making this apartment hunt different than the last seven I’ve had over the last seven years (ack) is that I went in with a very clear idea of exactly what I wanted. Historically, I’m notorious for dismissing my desires, blindly moving in, and then trying to convince myself it’s right. (Are we still talking about apartments…?)

Apartments aside, I’ve found that without expressing exactly what it is that I’m looking for, I spend a whole lot of my life apologizing for what I want or making excuses for what I already have.

How many times have I said I want one thing and done the other?

When what we want and what we’re doing aren’t aligned we’re basically in a losing battle with ourselves, the result of which leaves not just wants but needs unmet.

I’ve been reading A Course in Miracles for… ever now and back in February I wrote a post (that was never published) pulling lines from it to piece together what I wanted this year.

This is a year of joy, in which your listening will increase and peace will grow with its increase. This is the year for the application of the ideas that have been given you. For the ideas are mighty forces, to be used and not held idly by. Your bridge is built stronger than you think, and your foot is planted firmly on it. Have no fear that the attraction of those who stand on the other side and wait for you will not draw you safely across. For you will come where you would be, and where your self awaits you. This year is the time to make the easiest decision that ever confronted you, and also the only one. This year invest in truth and let it work peace.

 

So what I’m saying is that all I want for my birthday I’ve already got.

And I think this is going to be a very big year for lots of people around me. I’m watching my friends and family step into really big things, or teeter on the edge of them–marriage and divorce and babies and sickness and new careers and old dreams–and they are all moments worth observing and encouraging. Because in each one there is that choice to invest in truth and let it work peace. Chasing truth doesn’t always feel like a peaceful process; there’s lots of doubt and hurt and fear when you decide to finally apply the mighty forces of the ideas that have been given to you.

Go after them.

Quit. Start over. Give in. Give up. Go all out. Lean in. Whatever. Just do something. A wrong decision is worse than indecision. At least you tried and failed and learned. This whole life is nothing if not one big experiment. Try, fail, try, fail, try. Just try.

I think all too often we get wrapped up in what we want for ourselves or what our goals and plans and resolutions are and we forget that there’s a lot to gain from stepping back and seeing what everyone else is up to. I think it does all of us nothing but good to stand beside those who are making the shaky transition across the bridge.

 

20 Comments

  1. TaMo TaMo

    Happy, happy birthday. Have a great day!!! We love you.

    • Katie Katie

      <3

  2. Sylvia Sylvia

    No doubt, the universe is unfolding as it should…welcome. You are precious. Celebrate your birthday and know that you are loved. Tequila shots for everybody!

    • Katie Katie

      Miss you, Sylvia!

  3. amy amy

    I love this. Happy Birthday!

    • Katie Katie

      Thanks, Amy!

  4. At a time when I am thinking about going back to school for a career change, I totally needed this! Oh, and Happy Birthday!!!!!

    • Katie Katie

      Do it now. Do it now. Do it now.

  5. Love the Course in Miracles…not so much the textbook but Gary Renard’s audios of the material. Happy Birthday! 🙂

  6. Happy Birthday!! I just wanted to say that, as a 29 year old myself, your posts are really speaking to me. We must be on the same almost-30 wavelength or something, because literally every post is spot on. My friend sent me the link to your curly hair post, which alone has changed my life forever, so I just wanted to say thank you so much and keep up the awesome work. You are an inspiration to us all!!

    • Katie Katie

      Hooray! Curly hair united. Glad we’re all in this together.

  7. Megan Megan

    Happy Birthday!! I LOVE this post. I am in the same place this year, finally going after what I want and making things happen! I’m about to turn 29 next month, too, so I’m with ya on all this! Good luck!

    • Katie Katie

      Happy early birthday!

  8. Jen Jen

    Happy Birthday!!!

    Hope you get all you want and need for your birthday, your new home, and life, in general!

    • Katie Katie

      Thanks, Jen!

  9. Betsy Betsy

    Yes. I too am very, very carefully apartment hunting (I despise where I am living currently) so lady, I get it. I get it all, this entire blog post. Own what you want! There is nothing wrong with that. Learning when to say yes and when to say no has proved to be one of life’s biggest struggles for me, but I’m working on it. “A wrong decision is worse than indecision.” I love that.

    • Katie Katie

      PREACH

  10. Erin Erin

    Thank you – this really spoke to me.

    Happy Birthday, may this year bring you health and happiness.

    FYI – I love being in my thirties – old enough to know better & young enough to still get a way with it;)

    • Katie Katie

      That is the best way to describe the 30s. I’m looking forward to it.

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