I don’t lie about a whole lot of things but when it comes to telling most men how many cats I have, I dance around the subject like Bill Nye in a bow tie–frantically and without skill.
There are three types of cat ladies: (1) those who have no idea how crazy they are, (2) those who know how crazy they are and don’t care, and (3) those who know how crazy they’re perceived and try to argue otherwise. I’m the last one and it’s a fruitless battle, my friends. But I will die trying. (Alone and covered in cat hair.)
When I first got Tilly (the accidental and unexpected third of my collection), my little sister’s first response (after “SEND A VIDEO”, obviously) was: GOOD LUCK GETTING MARRIED NOW. And while that’s most certainly not at the top of my to-do list at the moment… Girl, ain’t that the truth. Men are having none of this business.
Tilly came along like that gap sibling no one saw coming–7 years behind the last and following indisputable public declarations from the parents that there will be no more. And then all of the sudden: Whoops. I love her and I’m glad that between her options of coming to live with me or dying that she came to live with me. But no, a third cat was not in my master plan. Still, I like to pretend that they’re not completely ruining my life.
So anyway, in my ongoing defense of myself, here are 5 more reasons cats aren’t so bad:
- You can leave them alone for a long time – Dog people are always rushing home to let dogs out, rearranging work and social schedules around an animal’s bowel movements, and paying outrageous sums for boarding. Cats are just sleeping in your bed and pooping in a box and can do so for at least two days fully unsupervised. Is this so bad?
- They want to be left alone sometimes – Dogs are all up in your business all the time. Cats are, for the most part, asleep. I love when my cats are waiting for me at the door like the little dogs they are, but I also love when I walk in and can’t even find any of them.
- You don’t have to teach them anything – When’s the last time you heard of house training a cat? Never. Because they instinctively know where to poop. Got a new puppy? Put the carpet cleaner guy on speed dial.
- They aren’t the topic of conversation – While dog people (like parents) want to talk about their dogs all the time, cat people keep fairly quiet thanks to this little stigma and all. Meet someone with three dogs and you know she’s got three dogs. Meet someone with three cats and you’ll hear about them only when keeping them a secret is no longer possible, which is probably when you are about to meet them for the first time. Good luck.
- They are nice – Contrary to popular belief, cats are not assholes all the time.
Cats are, in my opinion, the pet of sassy, independent, successful young women everywhere (and also delusional, dependent, craaaazy old ladies). It’s a huge spectrum, I know, but people do exist on both ends of it.
Refinery29 puts it best: “As Bara explains, women are officially reclaiming the idea of being a cat lady. “It’s appropriating a term that used to be sort of derogatory and owning it and making it cool. It used to be a pathetic thing to be a ‘cat lady,’ but now there are so many of us who are young and awesome and love our cats.”
For the record, I know that if I get one more cat I have tipped the scales into full blown insanity. It’s not in my plan but… Neither was the third. Slippery slope, y’all.