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Caturday 4.12.14

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I don’t lie about a whole lot of things but when it comes to telling most men how many cats I have, I dance around the subject like Bill Nye in a bow tie–frantically and without skill.

There are three types of cat ladies: (1) those who have no idea how crazy they are, (2) those who know how crazy they are and don’t care, and (3) those who know how crazy they’re perceived and try to argue otherwise. I’m the last one and it’s a fruitless battle, my friends. But I will die trying. (Alone and covered in cat hair.)

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When I first got Tilly (the accidental and unexpected third of my collection), my little sister’s first response (after “SEND A VIDEO”, obviously) was: GOOD LUCK GETTING MARRIED NOW. And while that’s most certainly not at the top of my to-do list at the moment… Girl, ain’t that the truth. Men are having none of this business.

Tilly came along like that gap sibling no one saw coming–7 years behind the last and following indisputable public declarations from the parents that there will be no more. And then all of the sudden: Whoops. I love her and I’m glad that between her options of coming to live with me or dying that she came to live with me. But no, a third cat was not in my master plan. Still, I like to pretend that they’re not completely ruining my life.

So anyway, in my ongoing defense of myself, here are 5 more reasons cats aren’t so bad:

  1. You can leave them alone for a long time – Dog people are always rushing home to let dogs out, rearranging work and social schedules around an animal’s bowel movements, and paying outrageous sums for boarding. Cats are just sleeping in your bed and pooping in a box and can do so for at least two days fully unsupervised. Is this so bad?
  2. They want to be left alone sometimes – Dogs are all up in your business all the time. Cats are, for the most part, asleep. I love when my cats are waiting for me at the door like the little dogs they are, but I also love when I walk in and can’t even find any of them.
  3. You don’t have to teach them anything – When’s the last time you heard of house training a cat? Never. Because they instinctively know where to poop. Got a new puppy? Put the carpet cleaner guy on speed dial.
  4. They aren’t the topic of conversation – While dog people (like parents) want to talk about their dogs all the time, cat people keep fairly quiet thanks to this little stigma and all. Meet someone with three dogs and you know she’s got three dogs. Meet someone with three cats and you’ll hear about them only when keeping them a secret is no longer possible, which is probably when you are about to meet them for the first time. Good luck.
  5. They are nice – Contrary to popular belief, cats are not assholes all the time.

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Cats are, in my opinion, the pet of sassy, independent, successful young women everywhere (and also delusional, dependent, craaaazy old ladies). It’s a huge spectrum, I know, but people do exist on both ends of it.

Refinery29 puts it best: “As Bara explains, women are officially reclaiming the idea of being a cat lady. “It’s appropriating a term that used to be sort of derogatory and owning it and making it cool. It used to be a pathetic thing to be a ‘cat lady,’ but now there are so many of us who are young and awesome and love our cats.”

For the record, I know that if I get one more cat I have tipped the scales into full blown insanity. It’s not in my plan but… Neither was the third. Slippery slope, y’all.

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  1. We adopted two and I was sort of gunning for a third, but wasn’t sure about taking the plunge when low an behold a full grown diva showed up on the doorstep and wouldn’t leave. So three seemed pretty good and then when we agreed to keep a friend’s cat for ‘six weeks’ I knew three was it. I’d look around at all four of them and think: this is it. Too many cats. Now, nearly three years later we still have the “six weeks” cat and after finding a liter of starving, orphaned kittens two years ago, we got stuck with the one no one wanted. So now five cats live in this house and it is too much. Too much. I will be very happy when “six weeks” finally leaves… someday. But I do love my dumb little orphan – who now weighs over 14 pounds, and really isn’t fat. Also – we have started clicker training. Also – I’m not sure why I have started my novel in the comment section of your blog.

  2. PREACH, GIRL. I make this argument like every day (which I suppose means #4 doesn’t actually apply to me). I’m so over cat discrimination. At least we don’t have to pick my cat’s shit up off the side of the road with our hands (we use a shovel inside the home).

  3. My 25 year old ENGAGED sister has 8 cats. Technically 10 if you count the 2 outdoor cats she feeds. There is hope, don’t give up.

  4. Well, I agree with almost everything you said here… except that people hear about my cats all the time! I am constantly telling everyone I know the antics my two little furballs are engaging in.

  5. *church hands* Completely agree with this! I love dogs, but cats are my favorite.

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