Happy Caturday! Last night I had a dream that I saved a rogue piglet from certain death on a slaughter line, and I am one million percent positive it’s because I saw this two-legged piglet with wheels right before I went to bed.
Here is way too much information about what goes on in my head when I’m sleeping: In the dream I’m in rural Georgia where most of my extended family lives but in an illogical twist that makes sense only in dreamworld, I’m at some kind of black tie art gala. (In real life I do have a black tie event to go to in a couple weeks so that’s where this came from. You see how it pieces together?) Anyway, we’re just admiring the art in rural Georgia (standard) and in runs a herd of pigs that presumably escaped a wrecked truck on its way to the slaughterhouse. Most of the pigs just run past like a coursing river of pig but one little piglet jumps right into my lap like a cat. (Dreams do come true!)
The rest of the dream is a Gladiator-style battle to the death with the Hillshire pig farmer who chases me down and demands the return of her piglet (who is branded with the logo, by the way) and tries to kill us both. At the climax of the plot our battle has moved into the art gallery where we’re surrounded by onlookers. She makes one final public demand for the piglet and I look her square in the eye, piglet in hand and say, “Fuck off.”
And that, my friends, is a whole new level of vegetarianism for me.
I wish I could tell you I recreated a visual reenactment of that dream in an in-depth storyboard created in MS Paint but… I just have these pictures of my cats.