I finished that Mindy Kahling book. Up until one of those last lists where she talks about all the revenge fantasies she’s had while on the treadmill, I found it to be a cackle-out-loud-in-public kind of book. The revenge fantasies, albeit a wholly accurate representation of what I do when I workout, were unfortunately kinda boring when delivered in writing on paper out of someone else’s head.
And it was, as some of you pointed out, an entire book deal based solely on writing rambling lists. Kind of like Buzzfeed but I won’t offend Mindy like that because Buzzfeed is the worst. (I hate Buzzfeed and everything it represents. Stop. taking. those. quizzes.)
Anyway, in honor of the apparently very lucrative online list (and before I tell you how to make this smoothie), here is a non-comprehensive list of some the restaurants I have opened in my head:
Nacho Mama’s – All nachos all the time (but not yo’ mama’s nachos). Nacho Mama’s abandons the traditional tortilla chip and cheese foundation and makes nachos out of anything–potato chips, pita chips, waffle fries, cookies… Stay with me here. So basically you walk up to a Chipotle-style assembly line, pick your base (traditional tortilla, toasted pita chips, potato chips, whatever) and then run down the line of cheeses, sauces and fresh toppings before it is tossed under the broiler for a golden-brown char. Some ideas… The Greek: toasted pita chips, hummus, olives, feta cheese, tahini sauce, lettuce, tomatoes. The Irish: potato chips, green onions, sharp cheddar cheese. The French: toasted baguette crostini, brie, grilled pears. The Last Call: waffle fries, veggie chili, cheddar cheese. The Pregnant Lady: Oreo cookies, marshmallows, chocolate chips, Swedish fish, topped with ice cream.
Dough – A way better riff on the Marble Slab concept, Dough is a build-your-own bar where you make cookies instead of ice cream. Select your dough base (sugar, peanut butter, oatmeal, chocolate, gingerbread, etc.) and then pick from an array of mix-ins (chocolate chips, nuts, marshmallows, etc.) that a teenager in an apron will then dramatically fold into the dough with two metal spatulas. This is where it gets really good: Dough is all vegan so you now have the option of cooking your cookie rare (half-raw gooey mess), medium (your standard perfect cookie), well done (crispy) or RAW. Yes, you can just have the glob of cookie dough. I am a genius. This idea is already patented. Back off.
Fantasties – This is not actually an idea I had but a typo I made when typing fantasies above and I think it would make a nice vegan frozen yogurt bar somewhere in a prominently gay neighborhood.
greenburger – I got an A+ on this restaurant concept in grad school so hold on to your butts… greenburger (no capital letters because it is edgy and new) is a vegetarian fast food burger joint created to rival the likes of McDonald’s and Burger King. We’d have a signature bean-based burger but then also feature new seasonal patties and you can have it on a bun, in a quinoa bowl or on top of a salad. Fresh toppings and cheeses would be sourced locally and our mascot for the kids’ meals would be Broccoli Rob.
Alright alright, here’s the smoothie.
Ginger Almond Smoothie
This is my favorite smoothie from Healthy Home Market in Charlotte but it seems unnecessary to spend so much money on something I can make myself. So here she is in all her homemade glory.
- 1 frozen banana
- 2 cups almond milk
- 3 dates, pitted
- half-to-one-inch cube of ginger (depending on taste preference)
- 1/4 cup raw almonds
- Throw all that business in a blender and puree until smooth. (You’re going to need one hell of a blender to pull that off. I did it in a Vitamix and am positive my old blender would not have been able to handle it.)