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Caturday 3.1.13

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Since my 52 Things post seems to be the most popular thing I’ve “written” in years and I know you’re all only here to read about my cats, a 52 Things Caturday Edition was inevitable.

So here, in all its glory, are 52 things you never needed to know about my cats.

  1. If you are a #CATURDAY novice, important biographical information is as follows: I have three cats–Ralphie (7, black), Weasel (6, black and white) and Tilly (6, tabby-siamese mix). Despite their names they are all girls, and despite their regal demeanor they are all rescued strays.
  2.  Weasel is incredibly vocal and holds conversations with me.
  3. Ralph is basically mute.
  4. When she wants to be, Tilly is LOUD but mostly she sleeps all day.
  5. Ralph is Weaz’s mom. Weaz (and her four brothers and sisters) were born in a laundry basket in my lap in the car in Greenville, SC. Truth.
  6. I found Ralph when I was living in my first house after college. My little sister was still in school and living with me for the summer and convinced me to feed the stray cat the chicken nuggets she kept in the freezer. (Ralph loves chicken nuggets.)
  7. At the time other neighbors were feeding Ralphie too and calling her Olive. I promptly disposed of that name but didn’t officially make her mine until I realized she was pregnant, which was when she was writhing in labor pain on my driveway. My sister picked the name Ralphie.
  8. My intention was to keep none of Ralph’s babies but any time someone tried to adopt Weaz the runt I told them she wasn’t ready yet. This continued until she was the only one and thus mine. Her siblings’ names are: Ziggy, Odelay, Little Murray Sparkles and Chance. They were adopted by friends and coworkers and I’m too scared to ask if any of them are still alive.
  9. In the months before adoption when I had all six cats in my house the kittens ripped open my box spring and would run circles in it at night. I would lay there awake sobbing thinking, “This is it. My life is over.”
  10. Ralph continually tried to dispose of Weaz when she was a baby. I’m told this is standard animal behavior when dealing with a runt, but I found it horrifying. We’d find Weaz in closets and under beds away from the litter all the time. I’m sure Ralph is thrilled she is the one I decided to keep around.
  11. The cats’ favorite food is Friskies turkey shreds with cheese but I equate it to McDonald’s and they only get it like once a month and on holidays for a special treat. Otherwise they eat overpriced healthy dry food and hate it.
  12. The cats have owned and destroyed three water fountains and I am preparing to purchase a fourth because I have lost my mind.
  13. Weasel will get inside absolutely anything. I often find her inside my perfectly made bed, just this weird little lump under everything. I don’t know how she gets in there.
  14. In case you missed it, Tilly only has two legs. Her front legs have been missing since birth as far as I know.
  15. The cats’ favorite toy is a laser pointer. They hate it.
  16. Weasel has gotten stuck behind my stackable washer/dryer twice. I had to call in back up to remove the whole thing to get her out. (See #13.)
  17. I almost lost Ralph one time. I walked out on my front porch to take a picture of my food in natural light (typical) and didn’t notice that she followed me. Hours later I heard what sounded like a grown man slamming his body against the front door. It was Ralph. It was the most sickeningly terrified feeling I think I have ever experienced.
  18. Related to #17… I am hyper vigilant about open doors and windows. My windows are never to be opened more than two inches, cats on balconies must be supervised, and if you leave my door open longer than the time it takes you to walk through it, you are not invited back.
  19. When I travel I expect people to check on my cats twice a day. I know they never do.
  20. Tilly was surrendered to a shelter on account of “aggression” and “inability to use the litter box.” We rigged up a little handicat-accessible box for her and she hasn’t had a problem. (She was definitely aggressive though and has come a very very long way since then.)
  21. The longest Ralph and Weaz have ever been in the car was when we moved from Greenville to the Charlotte area (2 hours). I decided not to put them in cages, which was really the worst idea ever. Ralph hyperventilated and pooped in the back seat.
  22. The cats have had fleas once and they had them BIG TIME. It was back when I had Ralph and all five babies fresh off the street. I went down to Orlando with my friends not knowing the cats were all totally infested. The girl staying at my house called to say fleas were attacking her and you could literally see them jump out of the carpet when you took a step. The whole house had to be bombed.
  23. I am forever haunted by the fact that there is potential Ralph may have had one baby outside before she came to my driveway for help. I looked everywhere but never saw any sign of a Weaz 2.0.
  24. All three cats are spayed and I kind of totally regret that because MORE KITTENS.
  25. Unlike your average housecat that hides under beds and is largely antisocial, my cats are the most hospitable creatures on this earth. When people come over they’re like, “Hello how are you. How was your day? Can I take your coat and then sit on it? Pet me until forever now.”
  26. Ralphie has been banished from two groomers in town so she will just never be groomed again.
  27. Tilly is the only one out of the three that really loves to be brushed and I assume this is because she has a harder time keeping herself clean on her own.
  28. Weaz sheds worse than three cats combined.
  29. I communicate with the cats in what is not only a cat voice but almost a full cat language. If you are unlucky enough to hear it in action you will have absolutely no idea what I’m saying. But they know.
  30. I had two cats as a kid–both strays as well. The first was Smelly (named after Phoebe’s song on Friends). He was a gorgeous grey cat that my mom wouldn’t let me keep so a nice neighbor took him in. He eventually died of cancer and when Miss Judy called to tell us I envisioned myself hurling my grilled cheese at the TV. But instead I just went upstairs and cried and cried. The second was Gracie (who was a boy). My mom tried to make me adopt Gracie out too but when we tried she jumped out of the poor woman’s open car window and ran back to the house. She lived a long and prosperous life and died when I was in college.
  31. Gracie was the only indoor-outdoor cat I’ve ever had. At night she used to climb up the tree next to my room, jump onto the roof and scratch on my window to be let in. Like straight out of a movie. About cats.
  32. People are infinitely curious about how Tilly lives her life. Mostly she sits around and just sleeps all day, but so do my four-legged cats. She is very fast and is able to jump on and off the bed by herself. Most people want to know if she walks upright like a kangaroo and unfortunately she does not. She uses one little front nubbin like a pirate peg leg and scoots along in what I call the Tilly Shuffle.
  33. I cannot even describe to you the dramatic turnaround Tilly has made since I first took her in. She is one of the toughest cats I have ever worked with and made my life a living hell. She is the first cat that has ever attacked me. (I have scars.) I am so happy I stuck it out with her. She just needed someone to give her time and lots of lots of patience.
  34. I rented an office just for Tilly to live in. Last year I was preparing to move from a large two-story apartment with a friend to a small studio by myself. At the time Tilly hadn’t made her dramatic turnaround so she had to be separated from Ralph and Weaz all the time. She lived upstairs in my office. Knowing I wouldn’t have a separate space in my new wide open studio, I rented an office. I told people it was to expand my business but really my business ran from my house. I rented the office for Tilly to live in and that’s the insane truth. Tilly has never set foot in that office because as soon as we moved into the apartment she started getting along with Ralph and Weaz. It was all for naught.
  35. My sister (who convinced me to keep Ralphie in the first place) has been telling me for 7 years that no one will ever marry me with two cats. And then came Tilly…
  36. Ralph and Weaz both sleep in bed with me every night. I sleep on the right, Ralph sleeps on the left and Weaz sleeps on top of me (and sometimes under the covers if it’s cold). Tilly sleeps in her special orthopedic bed on the floor right next to me. I have officially shared too much.
  37. She doesn’t know it yet but should anything tragic happen to me, my mom will be the unwitting legal guardian for all three of my cats. I have made this last dying wish abundantly clear to everyone except her. (You are welcome, mom.) It’s because I know she’s the only one who won’t just give them away.
  38. My cats actually do not go to the vet. This is in part related to the trauma (for all of us) of getting in the car, but I also just don’t think they need all those shots all the time. A new holistic vet center opened in Charlotte and I will probably start taking them there because I am insane.
  39. There was once a time in my life when I was without health insurance myself but very seriously considered getting it for my cats.
  40. Eating is Ralphie’s favorite hobby.
  41. Weaz will eat absolutely anything, but carbs in general are her favorite–bread, rice, etc. I used to come home and find little teeth marks in bags of bread. You have to keep it in the fridge because she can also open any cabinet.
  42. One time Ralph stole a bag of Cheetos. I was watching TV with a bunch of friends and we just heard this CRUNCHCRUNCHCRUNCH in the corner. Ralph had Mike’s bag of Cheetos.
  43. Weaz’s signature black chin has been there since she was born.
  44. Ralph has a white spot on her tummy but you are not allowed to touch it.
  45. All of the cats have all of their claws (except Tilly who does not have claws on the feet she doesn’t have).
  46. The greatest cat to ever live was my neighbor’s cat Squid who lived to a crotchety old age of 18. He was all shriveled up and angry and had this hideous raspy meow like a lifetime smoker.
  47. I expect all of my cats to live forever.
  48. Weasel’s favorite show is Vanderpump Rules. Ralph likes Real Housewives of Atlanta. Tilly is a Kardashian fan.
  49. I feel obligated to post equal numbers of pictures of each cat. I notice moms on Instagram totally do this with their kids too. Like a picture of one kid goes up and then suddenly there’s a less fantastic blurry shot of the other kid too. Like the guilt of not doting on them equally outweighs the need to get killer shots every time. I’m not afraid to say that Weaz is the most photogenic of the crew. Ralph is just too black to see most of the time, and that, my friends, is racism.
  50. Tilly likes to eat corn on the cob.
  51. If my unborn children are allergic to cats I will get rid of the children. Cats were here first.
  52. Contrary to popular belief, I do not want any more cats.

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7 Comments

  1. I go to a holistic vet, it’s not crazy. Except for the time he gave my cat acupuncture….that was a little bit crazy….and the reiki. But, now she’s happy and healthy and autoimmune disease symptom free without being on drugs!

    • I am so glad this is a thing people do and is actually effective. I can’t wait for Ralph to get acupuncture.

  2. TaMo TaMo

    #53 We have never seen our cousins, Noodle and Scout. And soon, Sola, Scarlet, and Rambo.

    • I’m going to steal Rambo though…

  3. Again, so much is totally me (#18, #36, #47 & #49). As far as #19 is concerned, when I travel I pay for a train ticket for my sister-in-law to come stay with my cats so they aren’t alone while I’m gone. Oh, and my parents have no human grandchildren but 5 grandcats (my brother has 3, plus my 2)

  4. Jen Jen

    I have thoroughly enjoyed BOTH “52 things” posts! Thank you so much for (once again) brightening my day!

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