This is a story about how I tried to pay my rent yesterday. But it starts last month. I have included pictures of cats for your viewing pleasure.
My story (and I’m sticking to it) is that I was told I would not be able to pay rent online in my new place. I remember because I thought this was super archaic and also kind of endearing–like maybe I could ride my bike to the landlord’s office with a basket full of cookies and milk and all the other tenants dropping off their checks would gather together on the steps and sing the Cheers theme song. Or something.
The problem with this scenario, of course, is I don’t have any more paper checks. Who is still writing paper checks? Probably no one because when I ordered some a month ago in anticipation of my cookie-laden bike ride to the landlord’s office yesterday, Bank of America lost my order. I assume they’re just out of practice because, again, who is still writing paper checks?
A few angry customer service calls later, the checks were reordered but wouldn’t arrive in time to pay rent. Solution? Get a cashier’s check. At the bank. In this era of mobile check depositing and online banking, who is still going to the bank?
So I go. I get my cashier’s check. They try to charge me $10 for it which I refuse to pay due to the whole lost check order fiasco. They oblige. I abandon any hope of bikes and cookies and just drive to the landlord’s office. Except not really because Google Maps kept dropping me in a Wendy’s parking lot. And while I doubted this was where I should drop the check, I did consider how many french fries it would buy me.
I give up. Call the property manager. Sound like an incompetent fool: Uh, hi. I can’t find this office anywhere. I assume it’s not a Wendy’s? Is there a drop box I’m missing. I swear I have successfully paid rent before.
She informs me: Why don’t you just pay online?
Beeeeecause I thought it wasn’t an option. Rejoice. Online payments. This will be the best, I think.
False. My unit was never entered into the online pay system. I can’t pay online. But look! The checks I reordered have arrived so now I can trash the cashier’s check that was written for the wrong amount, write a new check in the correct amount and just go drop it off at the office again. Surely I can find it at 10pm on a Friday night. Surely…
So I drive back to Wendy’s, I mean the office. This time I find it. I also find, unfortunately, that the pen I’m trying to write the check with is out of ink. Beyond frustrated, I proceed to scratch my signature into the paper, stuff it in a MF envelope and go in search of the drop box. Which, as it turns out, is inside the lobby. Of a locked building. Because it’s 10pm on a Friday.
Resolution? None. I still have the check with the scratched in signature and still can’t get into the office and still can’t pay online. I swear I’m a functioning member of society. Next week will be a story about my eviction.
The moral of this story is: Pay your rent a day early. Also maybe read your lease, which clearly states how to pay online. Also stop using Google Maps to get around and just, I don’t know, look at street signs and numbers.