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Caturday 11/2/13

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This is a story about how I tried to pay my rent yesterday. But it starts last month. I have included pictures of cats for your viewing pleasure.

My story (and I’m sticking to it) is that I was told I would not be able to pay rent online in my new place. I remember because I thought this was super archaic and also kind of endearing–like maybe I could ride my bike to the landlord’s office with a basket full of cookies and milk and all the other tenants dropping off their checks would gather together on the steps and sing the Cheers theme song. Or something.

The problem with this scenario, of course, is I don’t have any more paper checks. Who is still writing paper checks? Probably no one because when I ordered some a month ago in anticipation of my cookie-laden bike ride to the landlord’s office yesterday, Bank of America lost my order. I assume they’re just out of practice because, again, who is still writing paper checks?

A few angry customer service calls later, the checks were reordered but wouldn’t arrive in time to pay rent. Solution? Get a cashier’s check. At the bank. In this era of mobile check depositing and online banking, who is still going to the bank?

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So I go. I get my cashier’s check. They try to charge me $10 for it which I refuse to pay due to the whole lost check order fiasco. They oblige. I abandon any hope of bikes and cookies and just drive to the landlord’s office. Except not really because Google Maps kept dropping me in a Wendy’s parking lot. And while I doubted this was where I should drop the check, I did consider how many french fries it would buy me.

I give up. Call the property manager. Sound like an incompetent fool: Uh, hi. I can’t find this office anywhere. I assume it’s not a Wendy’s? Is there a drop box I’m missing. I swear I have successfully paid rent before.

She informs me: Why don’t you just pay online?

Beeeeecause I thought it wasn’t an option. Rejoice. Online payments. This will be the best, I think.

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False. My unit was never entered into the online pay system. I can’t pay online. But look! The checks I reordered have arrived so now I can trash the cashier’s check that was written for the wrong amount, write a new check in the correct amount and just go drop it off at the office again. Surely I can find it at 10pm on a Friday night. Surely…

So I drive back to Wendy’s, I mean the office. This time I find it. I also find, unfortunately, that the pen I’m trying to write the check with is out of ink. Beyond frustrated, I proceed to scratch my signature into the paper, stuff it in a MF envelope and go in search of the drop box. Which, as it turns out, is inside the lobby. Of a locked building. Because it’s 10pm on a Friday.

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Resolution? None. I still have the check with the scratched in signature and still can’t get into the office and still can’t pay online. I swear I’m a functioning member of society. Next week will be a story about my eviction.

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The moral of this story is: Pay your rent a day early. Also maybe read your lease, which clearly states how to pay online. Also stop using Google Maps to get around and just, I don’t know, look at street signs and numbers.


  1. TaMo TaMo

    “Ive included pictures of my cats and a wormy Lab for your viewing pleasure.” OMG these animals are so photogenic. Can they have your Miss Photogenic sash?

    • HAHA. We drive airplanes.

  2. My rent is dropped off in some slot on a door in the lobby. The first month, I went to pay & the door was unlocked, rent checks just lying there in the open. Oh, that seems safe. I now pay promptly on the 5th of the month just before I know management will be picking up checks. And yeah, I had to order paper ones for my rent too. I felt like I was living in the land of the lost.

    • At least I’m not alone. You seem to have a much better handle on this though.

  3. JuJu JuJu

    O.M.G this exact same mofo problem happened to me last week! I have to snail mail checks to my new landlord and my one bank is only in Colorado. I ordered checks a month ago…they never sent them so I had to go to my bank to get a cashiers check and then proceeded to argue about how I was not going to be charged to reorder my checks nor a convenience fee for the cashiers check. They obliged bc I was cray and wild eyed….went home and found out my roommate had my checks on accident…..whoops!

    • Ha! “Cray and wild eyed” is a pretty good way to describe how I look on Friday night driving circles around the landlord’s office…

      Also, we call my little sister Juju so this was a very confusing comment for me for about 30 seconds.

      • JuJu JuJu

        Haha there are not many “JuJu’s” out there…its a great moniker to go by!

  4. Once google maps told me to make a U-turn on the interstate…so either google thinks I am James Bond or the internet is trying to kill me. Last week it told me to exit about 2 miles after I should have gotten off the highway, then took me on a frontage road all the way back to the exit I should have taken in the first place.

    And actually I don’t think I have EVER had the option to pay my rent online! It probably doesn’t help that I like living in 100 year old buildings owned by midwestern ladies who may or may not know the internet exists…

    • I’m glad I’m not alone here…

  5. Lyndsay Lyndsay

    I’m stalking your old posts – as I’m new to your blog. love.

    and this was hysterical.

    • Haha, hooray! Welcome. Cats for days.

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